Aphorisms

AKA, Sayings I’ve made up.


 

If it’s not already about sex, give it time. It soon will be.
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There’s a reason we envy the cavemen.
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No one is happy because no one really wants to be.
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It’s said that for want of a horse, Richard III lost his kingdom. But no one ever stops to remember that for want of a king, a horse lost his job.
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Life comes down to little more than perspective. Everything depends on what you’re looking at and where you’re standing when you look.
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Equations don’t change on their own. If you want it to come out differently, you have to do it differently.
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Depression is like a baby. If you feed it, it grows.
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The only thing worth being in life is your absolute, truest self. Otherwise, all you’re doing is taking up space.
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Every once in a while, we recall what it was like in the garden. But most of the time, we’re wallowing in the mire.
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I think the essence of existence is persistent nausea within the mind.
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Kierkegaard said his sorrow was his castle, and as miserable as it makes me to admit, I know exactly what he meant.
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The mind of a woman is such a fascinating specimen. Much too complicated to quantify scientifically, but still fascinating nonetheless.
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I would consider myself omnicurious.
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A clock means only what we say it means. What does that say about time?
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It’s hard to move through life without getting dirty…
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Human beings should come with a reset button.
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If I can’t do it with the whole of my heart’s passion, I’m not interested.
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Jazz is the only music that is telling the absolute truth.
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I am my own portal.
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I agree wholeheartedly with Voltaire that a man should be judged by his questions, not his answers.
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Freedom is having everywhere to go and yet nowhere to be.
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All I request of the afterlife is a soft chair, a warm fire, and an infinite supply of good books.
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I don’t trust anyone who has their shit together.
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When asked today whether I felt I was a butcher or the lamb, I replied, “Neither. I’m the blade.”
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We all need to be searching our hearts for typos.
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A good marriage doesn’t have an absence of conflict because humans are conflict. No, a good marriage has both conflict and the ability to resolve it.
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I’ll sleep when I’m dead. Until then, I got shit to do.
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I suspect there is no such thing as true happiness. There is only a scale that measures who hurts more and who hurts less.
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I believe we should question everything. Nevertheless, when someone says to me that I should question everything, I think the only suitable response is, “Why?”
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Note: Never get into a debate about Greek mythology with a Greek.
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If a “God-consciousness” does indeed exist, I’m pretty sure we are it.
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You can create it, but it’s not really “art” until someone else looks at it.
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Fuck you all, I love every one of you. (That’s me in one sentence.)
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Sometimes just getting through a single day is the hardest thing in the whole goddamn world.
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Your self-worth lies within. You will never find it in the opinions of others. It doesn’t exist there.
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I can’t decide what I want to do today: get a kitten or blow up a city.
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(to self): If you are missing pieces of who you are, be careful of what you replace them with.
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She says, “You sleep too much.” And I say, “I’m just preparing myself for the long eternal slumber of coffin life.”
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If there is a God, I imagine he must have a lot of respect for us atheists….
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Time will fuck everyone before it’s all over.
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Why is that happiness has to be fought for and sadness has to be avoided?
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I’ve never known a problem that a good set of boobs couldn’t fix.
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Everyone is a murderer. Only softness and cowardice hold the innocent back.
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When asked whether he sided with Thomas Hobbes or John Locke, this author replied, “The same sun that provides light creates shadows.”
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Books are the vitamins of the mind. They’re best ingested with food and drink.
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I don’t need to burn a flag to feel free. I don’t need to defend a flag to feel brave. In fact, I’m pretty much utterly unconcerned with the business of flags.
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We are wood and stone people living among brick and mortar. That’s the essence of the human condition.
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If I could be the president even for a day, I wouldn’t.
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The world began to die a little when the camera was invented.
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If I were a font, no one would use me.
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A bullet has no power. It’s up to the skin to refuse it entry.
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With the arrival of electricity came the slow death of kerosene. There’s nothing really deep here. I just like kerosene.
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I think, in the end, I’m mostly attracted to my cat’s lack of remorse.
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There’s really no such thing as time, for reality has no age.
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I bet the first human to master fire got laid a ton.
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Do not ask me if I’d rather be the hammer or the nail. I know what I am. I’m the plank. And so are you.
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I know something about antibodies. For instance, J.D. Salinger is the antibody to Donald Trump. But then I would think that this is common knowledge.
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It’s seems like cancer didn’t exist until it was discovered.
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I keep a fossil on my desk to daily remind myself that I’m already dead.
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My worst suspicion is that I’ve come to love and need my depression. Woe to me, if so.
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Based on the suicide rates, the brain is the deadliest organ in the human body.
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I think we conceived of God to personify that which we wish we could be.
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Every now and then I strongly suspect that there are dormant frog-like tendencies in me.
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Life can be amazing, and it can be depressing. But one thing it almost always is… is boring.
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In reality, there is more the one Universe within this Universe. Indeed, for everything in existence is its own lesser Universe, staring with the atom.
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With words alone a man can defeat God.
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If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a liar other than myself.

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