Caveat Lector

As it concerns my writing, the following items should be known to the reader beforehand:

1. There are a copious number of footnotes in my books. Read the footnotes and don’t complain about them.

2. I ignore the rules of perfect grammar. It’s not that I don’t know the rules; it’s just that they don’t really interest me. I’m not too concerned with what Strunk and White say is suitable and what is not. I never knew them, they didn’t know me, and they wrote their little book in 1918. So, yes, I split infinitives. I have a sentence fragment here and there, and you will discover that I’m quite the fan of the run-on sentence. I’ll frequently use the passive voice (because I like it). And perhaps worst of all, I begin sentences and even paragraphs with conjunctions. But these crimes, such as they are, seem relatively minor seen against the backdrop of the current decline in quality the English language has undergone since the advent of the email and the text message. Not only this, but languages transform as culture evolves. Sooner or later, someone somewhere must begin to view The Elements of Style as archaic. It might as well happen now.
 
3. I have a penchant for using fancy, pretentious words. It’s a part of my nature I don’t apologize for. It’s just me being me. For instance, instead of using the simpler term unruly, I may choose something a bit more ostentatious, such as the term obstreperous. It means the same thing as unruly, but it just looks and sounds more intellectual, and being overly intellectual is something for which I narcissistically strive. Alas, we all have our vices. Some of us like fast cars, fast women, and designer drugs; others like booze, cheap cigarettes, and a craps game. Me? I get off on learning and using pompous-ass words. Deal with it. The asshole in me likes it this way.
 
4. In my atheistic writings, I will frequently refer to a ubiquitous character called “the Christian.” An important distinction needs to be made here. There are many types of Christians, obviously. A whole spectrum of varieties, in fact. To reduce them all to one stereotype is the same as saying that all Muslims must be terrorists. It’s not only wrong, it’s belligerent. Ergo, “the Christian” whom I will refer to in my works is that closed-minded theist who, regardless of what sector of the religion he comes from, proceeds with the false assumption that his is the absolute final word on these matters, that anyone who disagrees with him must surely be “confused,” who operates as though he possesses a monopoly on truth, and who unashamedly and openly disrespects the views of others. It is this specimen I have put in the crosshairs, and the acerbity with which I will dismantle his feeble arguments is merely an inversion of the brand he first spewed at infidels like me.

5. Some of my books have hidden codes in them.

Advertisements